


The One With  The Blasted-End Skrewts

by SophiaMaria



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Comedy, Post War, Romance, The Quidditch Pitch: Eternity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-06-23
Updated: 2007-06-23
Packaged: 2018-10-27 09:15:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10806189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SophiaMaria/pseuds/SophiaMaria
Summary: Ron finally gets the nerve to admit to Hermione how he feels but as usual things don't go as planned. A list is found, misunderstandings abound, and Blasted-ended Skrewts are in the picture. Just a little story about some familiarFriends.Written pre-DH and is now AU.





	The One With  The Blasted-End Skrewts

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Annie, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Quidditch Pitch](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Quidditch_Pitch), which went offline in 2015 when the hosting expired, at a time I was not able to renew it. I contacted Open Doors, hoping to preserve the archive using an old backup, and began importing these works as an Open Doors-approved project in April 2017. Open Doors e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Quidditch Pitch collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thequidditchpitch/profile).

  
Author's notes:

**A/N** \- I hope you all enjoy my little tribute to a different set of "Friends". My apologies to those who don't recognize them. You may have noticed me jumping across seasons, but so many episodes clamored to be added to this story.

 

* * *

 

"I'm your _what_?" Hermione asked, the all-too familiar anger evident in her voice. 

"My Skrewt. My Blast-ended Skrewt," replied Ron, unflinching.

"You mean to say that I have suckers on my belly and I blast sparks out my rear end?"

"Yes! I mean no!" he added quickly. "I mean, you and I are like the Skrewts."

"Oh, that's loads better. As long as you're one too, I don't mind being told I smell like rotten fish!" Hermione said, huffing.

"What I mean is that you and I are like the old Skrewts who get old and walk in the forest."

"Show her the claws," said a breathy voice to Hermione's left, and she turned to see Luna, waving her clasped hands in front of her, looking meaningfully at Ron. 

Ginny, Harry, Luna and Neville sat with Ron and Hermione at one of the tables grouped around a dance floor in the garden of The Burrow, celebrating Bill and Fleur's wedding, which had taken place that afternoon. Since Ron and Hermione had spent the week either fighting like cats and dogs or pointedly ignoring each other, the others watched the grisly scene warily, waiting for the inevitable explosion. 

"Yeah, like this," he said, clasping his hands together in front of him. "When they're old, they walk around, holding the claws. In the forest ...?" He mimed his hands clasped together, walking through an imaginary forest. "Um, with the holding?"

Hermione looked at Ron, dumbfounded, while Harry, Ginny and Neville cringed in their seats.

"Aaaargh!" Hermione exclaimed, frustrated beyond the point of reason. "You're completely insane, Ron! I don't know why I've been wasting my time on you!"

"But ‘Mione, we're _supposed_ to be together. Like the Skrewts," Ron pleaded.

"No, Ron. We're not. We're not Skrewts. We're not anything," she said. "I tried, but it's not going to work, because every time I trust you enough to let you in, I end up getting clobbered." 

"Clobbered?" Ron asked, confused.

Hermione started ticking off a list on her fingers. "Last fall, I gathered up the courage to ask you to Slughorn's Christmas party and what do I get in return? The sight of your lips surgically sealed to Lavender's for four months. So I get clobbered." 

"Then," she continued, "after you're poisoned and we make up, I agree to wait for you to break up with Lavender before starting anything together. I waited patiently. I didn't pressure you. And what happens? It takes you an _entire month_ to finally end it with her. So I get clobbered." She took a breath, ignoring Ron's protestations.

"And then," she said, fire igniting behind her eyes when she gets to her third finger, "I finally let you in, I finally get the kiss I've been waiting for, and what happens? I find that bloody LIST, so what do I get?"

"Clobbered?" Ron asked, weakly, looking sheepishly at Hermione through his fringe. 

"Yes, Ron. I get clobbered. Again. I'm _tired_ of being clobbered, you know? It's just not worth it."

"But..." he protested.

‘No, Ron," she said, standing up and smoothing her robes. "When we leave for Godric's Hollow tomorrow with Harry, we will just be friends. And distant ones at that." 

"But..." 

"No. No buts. I'm tired of this. You know, I've spent the last few days trying to find some way get past my feelings, but I couldn't. I needed closure, but couldn't find it. But now, with this daft Skrewts idea of yours?" She looked at the others before turning back to him. "Now, I have _closure_!" 

Hermione turned on her heel and walked off toward the house, her chiffon dress robes billowing behind her. Ginny followed in her wake, glaring at Ron and mouthing, "Skrewts?" as she passed by.

Ron watched the two girls storm away and sank back into his chair, looking utterly defeated. 

"Harry, how I can make her see that we're meant to be together?" he whined.

"I dunno, mate. She's pretty brassed off," Harry replied, sadly watching Ginny walk away. 

"How could she think that list really meant anything?" Ron asked. "I wrote it _six months_ ago. And you know that it's not how it looks on paper."

"Well, Ron, I'm not sure if the Skrewts were the right answer."

"But they mate for life," interjected Luna. 

"Skrewts? How can they?" Harry asked incredulously, turning to her. "They kill each other off so quickly, how do they have time to mate?" 

"Hagrid bred a second batch for our class last year and we found out what they like to eat and what kind of habitat they like," said Luna, her eyes wide as she excitedly told of her experiences with the creatures. "We found that when properly cared for, they are really quite tame. Hagrid said that they can live as long as two years - that batch is only just now starting to die off."

"And good riddance!" replied Harry.

Luna continued. "We found that by the time they're six months old they find a mate and spend the rest of their lives together. If you go into the big pen that Hagrid made for them in the Forbidden Forest late at night, you can see the older ones walking claw in claw along the forest floor." She said dreamily, miming the claws clasped together with her hands. "It's really quite romantic."

Ron snorted. "Not romantic enough, apparently," he said as he slumped back in his chair and closed his eyes, wondering how the situation with Hermione had gotten so bad.

Only five days ago, for a brief moment Ron was walking on air. He had _finally_ gotten his first kiss with Hermione, and it had been amazing. It had been a long time coming and he had worked really hard to get there. But now it appeared to be over. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Harry and Hermione had arrived at the Burrow on Harry's seventeenth birthday, five days before the wedding. The trio had been researching Horcruxes all summer and Hermione had already found some good leads. They were planning to start their journey the day after the wedding, starting first in Godric's Hollow, but were looking forward to a few days of relaxation before their departure. 

Ron was looking forward to their arrival. He'd been thinking about Hermione all summer and decided that this was this was his opportunity to tell her about his feelings for her. He'd known for a long time that he was in love with her, and he thought she felt the same way, given how she had been looking at him at the end of the school year and the fact that she let him hold her hand on the train ride home. But he'd only recently found the courage to tell her how he really felt. 

He had planned to apologize to Hermione for his behavior the previous year, beg for her forgiveness, and tell her how much he loved her. When Harry arrived that morning, he told him about his plan and rehearsed his speech with him.

"No, no, Ron, don't go into that much detail about what you did with Lavender," Harry said as they both sat on their respective beds in Ron's room, tossing a Quaffle back and forth. "She doesn't need to know all that. Just tell her that you're _really_ sorry for hurting her, that you were a big daft git, and that you need to snog her right away," Harry grinned as he lobbed the Quaffle hard at Ron. 

Harry was in a good mood because he had come to his own decision about Ginny. He missed her desperately and wanted to make up with her before their trip. He wanted to enjoy her company - as a couple or as friends - before they left. He was eager to talk to her but she was with her mother and Fleur in Diagon Alley, busy with final dress fittings for the wedding. 

"Prat," Ron responded, catching the ball with an _oof_ , and lobbing it back equally hard. "Yeah, I guess you're right. Do you think she'll like what I have to say otherwise?" He caught Harry's return throw with his left hand. 

"I'm sure she will. I know she feels the same. Just promise me, Ron, that you won't hurt her again. She's like a sister to me, and you know how you'd feel if I hurt Ginny," Harry said, as he caught Ron's toss with both hands and threw the ball back, aiming a foot to the right of Ron's head, trying to help Ron with his agility.

"Yes, I know," Ron said, catching the ball deftly with one large hand and staring at Harry pointedly. "And it's only because you're my best mate that I didn't punch you in the face for hurting her after Dumbledore's funeral."

"But you know why, Ron," Harry pleaded. "I can't risk her getting hurt if Vol-...." 

"Yeah, yeah, I know, Harry," Ron interrupted, throwing the ball back at his friend. "But just because I understand doesn't mean that I have to like it. I hope you at least make up with her before we leave next week. She's been real quiet all summer, which _I know_ isn't right." 

"Oh, I promise. I'm planning to talk to her later today, after she gets back from Diagon Alley. But you have to promise that you won't hurt Hermione. And _please_ try to avoid a repeat of what you put us through with Lavender? I don't want to walk in on the two of you going at it like eels," Harry pleaded. "Just be discrete, okay?"

"Git!" Ron said as he tossed the ball with one hand at Harry's head. The seeker's reflexes were quick, but he wasn't used to handling the larger ball and ended up deflecting the Quaffle with the palm of his hand. The ball bounced onto the floor and rolled under Ron's bed. Harry bent down to retrieve the Quaffle and found a piece of wadded up parchment. He stood back up, ball in one hand, parchment in the other. 

"Hey, your Mum must have missed this when she last cleaned," Harry said and tossed the paper to Ron.

"Wonder what it is," Ron said, opening up the parchment. "Oh shite," he said, blanching.

"What is it?" asked Harry, moving to look at it. 

"Nothing," said Ron, crumpling it back up and pulling it away from Harry's reach, but Harry's quicker hands snatched it away. Ron tried to grab it back, but Harry grabbed his wand and put a leg locker curse on him. Ron toppled onto his side, unable to get up, wriggling on the floor, wedged between the bed and the dresser.

"I just LOVE being able to do magic out of school!" Harry said, dancing around the room, holding the parchment in the air in triumph. He was happy to get the upper hand over his bigger friend, who usually won their wrestling matches.

"Harry! Let me go!" Ron cried, struggling to sit up.

"Nope, we're best mates and best mates don't keep secrets from each other!" Harry said. He bounded over to his bed and opened up the parchment. 

"Harry! Please don't read that!" he yelled, but Harry had started to read.

"You made a list comparing Hermione and Lavender?" Harry asked, looking incredulously at Ron.

"No!" he cried from his spot between the bed and the dresser. "Well yeah, sort of. It was at Christmas, right after I got that damn necklace from Lavender. That was when I realized that things weren't going to work with her. I knew then how much I liked Hermione, so I made a list to help me decide what to do," he said. "I compared the things I didn't like about Lavender to the things that I liked about Hermione."

"Doesn't look like that to me, mate," said Harry as he read aloud:

_"Lavender's hair - long and silky, smells like lilacs. Hermione's hair - bushy and curly, smells like...?"_

"Sounds like you prefer Lavender's hair to Hermione's," Harry said, looking at his friend slumped on the floor.

"No, I don't. Really," he said at Harry's skeptical look. "I was getting sick of Lavender's stringy hair falling in my face every time we snogged," he said, brushing a lock of imaginary hair out of his face with his hand. "And it always smelled of lilacs. I can't _stand_ the smell of lilacs - it reminds me of my great aunt. I had been thinking about how Hermione's hair smelled and how much I wanted to touch it," he said, sheepishly. "I could never figure out just what it smelled like, and I wanted to find out."

Harry kept reading. _"Lavender - laughs a lot. Hermione - always serious."_

"Hermione's too serious for you?"

"No, she's not. Lavender was too giggly," he said, wiggling on the floor, trying in vain to get up. "I couldn't talk to her about anything, you know? And I could always talk to Hermione. About serious stuff, yeah? She really listened to me. Well, most of the time." 

" _Lavender - likes snogging. Hermione - SPEW._ "

"You can't say that you prefer SPEW to snogging, Ron..." said Harry, smirking at his friend.

"No," said Ron, leaning his head against the side of the bed. "Snogging is _all_ Lavender wanted to do. And as much as you and I thought Hermione was barmy with her House Elf rights campaign, that's what I love about her. She really cares about people, and creatures, and stuff. I realized how kindhearted she is. And I missed that." 

As Harry reached the last item on the list, he absently reached for his wand and released Ron, who groaned as he stood up.

"'Bout time, Harry," he said, punching his friend on the leg before sitting back down on his bed.

_"Lavender - sweet, but not Mental."_

"So Hermione's mental?"

"No! Of course not. It was _supposed_ to say that Lavender is sweet, but she's not ‘Mione. Not _my_ ‘Mione," he said, running his hands through his hair in frustration. "But I was using Fred and George's Self-Correcting Quill and it was starting to malfunction, and that's what it spelled out," he said, gesturing to the parchment in Harry's hand. "That's when I knew that the list was a stupid idea. It thought I'd tossed it in the rubbish bin, but I must have missed. I should have burned it."

"Sorry, mate. I should have known that you wouldn't write stuff like that about Hermione," Harry said, reaching across to hand the parchment back to Ron. "But you have to admit that it makes Hermione look worse than Lavender."

"Yeah, but it's all good stuff about her," Ron said, taking the parchment. "And now that's over and I can tell her how I really feel." 

They heard someone calling their names from downstairs. Harry looked up expectantly, hoping Ginny had returned from Diagon Alley, and stood up. 

"Good luck, mate. Just _please_ get it right this time," said Harry, slugging Ron lightly on the shoulder and starting toward the door.

"Yeah, Harry. I'll try," said Ron as he lay back on his bed, holding up the parchment to look at it again. 

Harry walked out the door, but then leaned back in. "Oi, Ron! It's Hermione. She's coming up the stairs!"

Ron quickly stuffed the letter under his Chudley Cannons quilt and stood up to greet Hermione. He watched her greet Harry with a hug before he bounded down the stairs. She walked into the room and closed the door behind her.

"Hello, Ron,' she said shyly.

"Hi, Hermione," he said softly, his breath catching as he was reminded again just how beautiful she was. She was wearing a pale blue sundress that showed off her tanned shoulders. Her hair was hanging loosely, if a bit wildly, around her shoulders. His heart gave a leap.

He crossed the room in two strides and gave her a hug, which lingered a bit longer than their hugs usually did. He couldn't help sniffing her hair. It smelled like almonds and vanilla. Definitely _not_ lilacs, he noticed, smiling. 

They broke apart shyly and sat down across from each other on the two beds. An awkward silence followed as they both tried to look anywhere else but at each other.

"So, your trip was okay?" Ron asked.

"Oh, yes, it was," Hermione said, seemingly distracted by Ron's hair. "I _Apparated_."

"Oh good. And how was that?" asked Ron, staring at her bare shoulders and the slight hint of cleavage the neckline of her dress revealed. 

"Good. It's still odd," said Hermione, now staring at Ron's lips.

"What's odd?" Ron asked distractedly.

" _Apparating_ ," Hermione responded, looking finally at his eyes. 

"Oh. Yeah. _Apparating_ ," said, Ron, looking at her hair, his mouth slightly open.

They sat in awkward silence, staring down at their hands. Ron gathered his courage and took a deep breath.

"Listen, Hermione," he said finally, looking into her eyes. "I need to talk to you."

"Oh?"

"Um, yeah. See, I was a huge git last year. I don't know why I took up with Lavender, even after you asked me to Slughorn's party. I don't know why I did it, but I'm really sorry if I hurt you."

"Ron..." Hermione interjected, leaning forward to touch his knee.

"No, Hermione, let me finish," he said, standing. "I only really ever wanted you. See, I... I.. um, I love you, Hermione. I have for a long time. There, I said it. If you don't feel the same, that's okay..."

Hermione interrupted Ron's speech by standing and putting her fingers on his lips. "It's okay Ron, I love you too," she said, pulling her fingers away slowly and looking back into his face.

He looked into her eyes, looking back at him with open honesty. He swallowed, leaned forward and kissed her on the lips. 

The kiss was soft at first, but then he pulled her to him and she moaned in response as the kiss deepened. 

It was everything he'd always wanted in a kiss. Nothing like the vacuum cleaner kissing that he'd done with Lavender. Kissing her had been only about lips and hands and bodies. Kissing Hermione felt like an exchange of souls and hearts, and it warmed his entire body. 

Her lips were soft, as was her hair and the parts of her body that he allowed himself to touch. He loved the way she ran her hands through his hair and how she moaned his name when he broke from her lips to run his tongue along her neck. He reveled in the feel of her and how she made him feel in response. 

His head was swimming with sensation and he was so lost in the kiss that he barely noticed as they sat down on his bed, never breaking contact. He was so lost in her feel and her taste that he barely noticed when she began to lean back, pulling him with her. He did, however, notice when she stopped kissing him. 

"Ron, your bed is crinkling," she said, sitting back up and starting to reach under the quilt.

For the second time that day, Ron blanched. 

"Don't, Hermione!" he said, grabbing her hand.

"What is it?" she asked, looking at him, a small smirk on her face. "Is it one of those girly magazines that I caught you and Harry looking at in fifth year? It's okay, I've seen them before," she said, reaching under the quilt with her other hand. 

"No, Hermione, don't look at that!"

She rummaged under the quilt and pulled out the piece of parchment that Ron had hidden away twenty minutes earlier. 

"What's this?" she asked. 

"No, please don't look at that!" he said, reaching for the parchment.

It was too late. She'd seen her name at the top of the page and had begun reading.

"Hermione, please..." he pleaded softly. He didn't want to rip the parchment from her hands as it would only make her more suspicious, and he could only hope that he could explain it to her as he had done with Harry. He took a deep breath and braced himself for her reaction.

Hermione's face had gone white. "It's a list," she said softly, her voice cracking. "Comparing me with Lavender?"

"Oh, Hermione, please. It was a mad idea," he said weakly. He made a half-hearted attempt at trying to pull the paper from her hands, but she stood and pulled away from him. 

Ron sunk his head between his knees. "Pleeeease, don't read that, Hermione! It's total rubbish!"

Hermione began to read the list.

"You were comparing our hair? You preferred Lavender's silky hair to my bushy mess?!" Her voice began to rise.

"No! I meant that I actually wanted..." 

"You think I'm too serious?" she interrupted. "I suppose you prefer your girlfriends to be giggly, like Lavender?"

"No!" he cried, standing up to face her. "I...

"Oh, and I _know_ what you think of S.P.E.W.!" she spit back, turning away from him.

"Stop. Please, Hermione!" he said, standing and moving behind her, his arms hanging uselessly at his sides.  
  
"Not mental?!! Are you saying that you think _I'm_ mental?!!! Ron, is this really what you think of me?" she raged.

"No, that's not what it was supposed to say! It was supposed to say ‘Not ‘Mione' but the quill...." Ron started, but Hermione was ignoring him. 

He wanted to explain the way he had with Harry, who seemed to understand, but she wouldn't listen. He knew he was blowing his chance, and his heart began to pound.

"I can't believe you, Ron! A list! You were comparing me and Lavender with a _list_? Is that what you were doing with Harry when I got here?? Were you trying to decide if you wanted to get back together with Lavender instead of me?" she asked, angrily. "Am I your second choice?"

"No! Hermione, that's not it. It was at Christmas..." Ron's palms began to sweat and he tried to grab Hermione by the shoulder, but she spun away from him, backing toward the door. 

Hermione continued her rant, this time to herself. "Why? Why did I open myself up to this? I should have _never_ decided to act on my feelings. I should trust my brain when it says to stay away from love. I only get hurt in the end!" she cried before crumpling up the parchment and throwing it at Ron's feet. She stomped out the door and slammed it behind her.

"Hermione!" he yelled after her, flinging the open the door and running straight into Harry, who held a plate of sandwiches in his hands. 

"Mate! What's wrong? Why was Hermione running away?" Harry asked as Ron tried to get around him. "You did tell her how you feel, right?" 

"Yeah, I did! And it was great. She loves me too! Or at least I thought she did," he said dejectedly. "Let me go to her..." Ron said as he started toward the door.

"What happened? Were you a being a prat?" Harry asked, holding out a hand to stop his friend.

"Why am I always the one who people think is being a prat?" Ron demanded, throwing his hands in the air.

"Well, given last year...."

"Okay, Harry, I get it," he said, holding up a hand. "I was a prat all year long. But this time I wasn't a prat _now_ , I was a prat _then_ ," he said, picking up the wadded parchment. 

"She found the list." 

"Yes, she did," Ron said, flatly.

"Wow, sorry, mate. I'm sure if you just explained like you did to me, she'd understand."

"I tried, Harry, but she wouldn't listen. She's really pissed off," Ron said. "I don't understand. I told her that I loved her. She should have stayed to listen to me. I need to go talk to her!" he said, heading toward the door again.

Harry stopped him. "Let's wait until after dinner, when she's cooled off. Then you can explain your side of things. She'll understand once you tell her."

  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
But Hermione didn't give him the chance. Ron tried to talk to her that night but she refused to answer him when he knocked on the door to Ginny's room. His sister, having only heard Hermione's side of the story and believing that Harry was an accomplice in drafting the list, was equally mad at both Ron and Harry and refused to listen to Ron's explanation or help him out. She wouldn't talk to Harry, who hadn't yet had a chance to make up with her, either.

Ron tried to talk to her several times the next day, but Hermione refused to come out of Ginny's room and ignored him during meals. If he opened his mouth to say something to her at the dinner table, she would turn to Ginny or Mrs. Weasley and began talking. If she was alone, she would walk away. She never gave him any opening to talk to her and he was growing frustrated.

That evening, after dinner, he found himself standing outside Ginny's door. 

"Come on, Hermione, just let me talk to you." He was met with a ringing silence. "Hey, I have an idea. Why don't you and Ginny make up a list about _me_ , so we'll be even?"

The door flew open and he was faced with an angry redhead.

"Ron, if you don't leave us alone, I swear you'll have bat bogeys coming out your arse," his sister threatened. "And I don't care if I'm not supposed to perform magic out of school because it would be worth it!" she yelled and slammed the door.

"Fine! Forget it! I don't need you, Hermione! I don't need the bloody aggravation!" he yelled before stomping up the stairs and flinging open the door to his room, only to find an angry best mate standing in the middle of the room.

"Aggravation? Ron, _you_ are the only thing standing between me and Ginny making up. You promised that you'd make things right with Hermione, and now because of you I can't talk to Ginny. And I'll have to go on the Horcrux hunt with her hating me!" Harry said, flopping back onto his bed, staring at the ceiling.

"I'm sorry, Harry, but she's a stubborn mule! She just won't listen!"

Harry only humphed in response, so Ron lay down on his bed and listened to Harry's exasperated sighs, staring at the ceiling until Molly called them downstairs for dinner.

The next two days were spent in silent tension. Everyone in the house could feel the strain as the four teenagers scowled at each other and snapped at everyone else. Meals were an exercise in tolerance as the teenagers passed dishes in silence, made sarcastic comments under their breaths, and huffed at anything the other teens said. 

At lunch on the third day, Molly was thinking aloud about all of the chores that Ron still needed to do before the wedding. Ginny caused Hermione to smirk and Ron to huff when she suggested that perhaps Ron needed a list to keep everything straight.

At dinner that night, Ron made Hermione and Ginny huff and storm up the stairs when he complained to his mother Molly that the girls were shirking their duties by spending all of their time in Ginny's room and leaving him and Harry to do all of the chores.

Finally, on the day before the wedding, after she'd heard one too many slammed doors, Molly decided that she'd had enough. She sat the four of them down at the kitchen table and pointed her wand at the group. 

"Now, I don't know what's been going on with the four of you, and, frankly, I don't _want_ to know. But tomorrow is Bill's day and we are going to be a happy family, you hear me? So if you do anything to ruin his day, anything at all - a grimace, a scowl, a huff - I will turn you all into frogs and leave you to the gnomes until after Bill and Fleur leave for their honeymoon. And don't think I'm not afraid to do that to you two as well," she said, pointing her wand at Harry and Hermione. "You are just as much my children as these two are, and I have no qualms about turning you into frogs either. You WILL sit together at the wedding and reception, and you WILL act politely to each other and the guests. So either make up or pretend that you still like each other. Am I understood?" 

"Yes Mum," "Yes, Mrs. Weasley," replied the chastened group.

"Okay, you're dismissed. Now go clean your rooms and iron your dress robes. I don't want to see or hear you until dinner." 

The four sullen teenagers trudged up the stairs toward their respective rooms. At the first floor landing Ginny opened the door to her room and looked back at Harry, catching his eye briefly and giving him a small, sad frown before turning her back on him and entering the room. He watched her retreating figure, sighed and proceeded up the stairs to Ron's room.

Before Hermione had a chance to cross the threshold into Ginny's room, Ron took hold of her arm. 

"Hermione, just give me one minute to talk to you and explain about the list," he pleaded. 

"I don't care about the list anymore, Ron," she said, trying to turn away.

He stopped her. "But we need to talk. About us."

"No, Ron, there is no _us_ , okay?" she said, gesturing between them with her hands. "We are never going to happen. It's obvious that being anything more than friends just doesn't work with us. So we are just going to be friends. Accept that."

"Except what?" he asked, misreading the homonym, hopeful that she was leaving him a small opening.

"No, Ron. _Accept. That_." And she closed the door.

He stood in front of the closed door, figuring out what she'd actually said, and placed the palm of his hand on the smooth surface for a moment. "No, Hermione, I can't."

  
*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*

  
Harry sat staring into his glass of champagne, listening to the band play a slow Weird Sisters cover. He couldn't believe that Ron had thought Luna's barmy Skrewt analogy would work with Hermione. He put down his drink and got up from the table to find Ginny and Hermione. He was tired of the fighting. It was their last night at the Burrow and he wanted desperately to make up with Ginny. He was determined to find her and end his suffering. He'd caught her looking at him off and on throughout the day and he thought he saw a crack in her armor. Her wanted to pry it open and show her how sorry he was for messing things up with her.

He found Ginny in the lounge, sitting on the sofa with Hermione crying on her shoulder. 

"Hermione," he began.

"Go away, Harry," she said with a sniff.

"No Hermione. We can't all continue like this. We're supposed to leave for the Horcrux hunt tomorrow morning and we can't all part on these terms," he looked at Ginny and sat down on a chair across from the girls. "I've been wanting to have a conversation with Ginny all week and I haven't been able to because of this thing between you and Ron."

Hermione sat up and looked at Harry.

"Really? You have?" she asked. 

Harry nodded and gave her his best puppy dog look. 

"Harry's right, Hermione," said Ginny, disengaging from her friend. "As much of a prat as Ron is being, I think you should at least listen to him."

"Thanks, Ginny," said Harry, gazing at his ex-girlfriend. "Please, Hermione. He really does love you. Can you please just go talk to him?" 

"Yes, Hermione, please. Harry and I need to talk," said Ginny, looking back at Harry.

Hermione looked at Harry and then at Ginny and noticed them staring intently at each other, and finally realized that more was at stake than just her and Ron. She sighed and stood up, crossing to the door and looking back. "Okay, Gin. I'll see you in a bit."

Hermione crossed the lawn to the tables ringing the dance floor and sat back down in her seat where Neville, Hagrid, and Luna were talking. She caught Ron looking at her but averted her eyes and focused on the conversation between Hagrid and Neville. 

"So you feed Thestrals yew leaves? I thought they were poisonous?" Neville asked.

"They are to most creatures, but Thestrals can tolerate ‘em, and they help their digestion. I planted that Yew tree in my garden ‘bout ten years ago, and I give ‘em a handful about once a week," said Hagrid.

Hermione listened to their conversation without interest and glanced up occasionally to see Ron staring at the table, fiddling with a spoon from his place setting.

"Say Hagrid," said Neville. "Speaking of your garden, I noticed a bunch of it was torn up last spring. Where you planting something?"

"Last spring? Nah, I wasn't plantin' nothin'. That's just where I buried Aragog," he said.

"What's Aragog?" asked Luna.

"He was one of my best friends," said Hagrid with a sniff. 

"Why would you bury someone in your garden? Why not a cemetery?" asked Neville, shuddering at the thought of a body lying beneath Hagrid's garden. 

"Aragog wasn't a person, he was an Acromantula," Hagrid replied. 

Hermione looked at Ron and noticed that he was grimacing and turning a pale shade of green. Just then Harry and Ginny walked up to the table, holding hands, and sat down next to Hermione. 

"An Acromantula?" Luna asked. "Are there Acromantulas in Britain?"

"Sure there are," replied Hagrid. "There's a whole colony of ‘em deep in the Forbidden Forest."

"Oh yeah," said Neville. "I remember Harry told us that he and Ron went into the forest to talk to a whole bunch of them in second year. Said there were hundreds of the big beasts. Some as big as Hagrid, they said!"

Hermione looked up and saw Ron slide down in his chair and Harry look at Neville and draw his finger across his throat.

"Harry, you told me that you and Ron only talked to Aragog. You didn't tell me that there were other spiders there," she said, looking at Ron. "Why didn't you tell me that?"

"Never mind, Hermione..." Harry began. 

"Why did you go into the Forbidden Forest to talk to the Acromantulas?" Luna interrupted. 

"Well..." started Harry, fiddling with the neck of his robe.

Hagrid interrupted.

"Hermione and the others had been petrified by the Basilisk that year, see, and I had been sent to Azkaban because they thought Aragog was the monster that had opened the Chamber of Secrets back when I was a student, seein' as how he was my pet an' all," explained Hagrid. "And since Dumbledore was also gone, I told Harry and Ron to follow the spiders if they wanted to get some answers to help get everyone unpetrified."

Neville jumped in, oblivious to the look that Harry was giving him. 

"Yeah, they followed a trail of regular spiders into the forest, and next thing they knew they were surrounded by a whole bunch of some huge ones. Really scary, they were. Coming down out of the trees, waving their pincers at them," Neville said, waving his hands around to imitate the legs and pincers. "Ron said they tried to eat them and had to run for their lives to get away!" 

"So how _did_ you get away?" asked Luna, looking at Harry.

"We tried to run, but there were too many of them," replied Harry, chancing a look at Ron, who continued to stare at his spoon and avoid eye contact. "But then Ron's dad's old Ford Anglia came along and we hopped in and were able to escape."

"Wow, that's so scary. You were really brave!" exclaimed Luna.

Ron, looking decidedly uncomfortable, crossed his arms across his chest and shuddered slightly. 

"Yeah, but they got the information they needed to solve the mystery about why everyone was being petrified," said Neville. 

"I was right proud of ‘em!" said Hagrid, beaming at Harry and Ron. "They went into the Forest to help out our Hermione here." Hermione blushed and looked at Ron, who was still not looking at anyone at the table. 

"We found out from Aragog that he wasn't the monster that had been released back when the Chamber had originally been opened fifty years ago," Harry explained. "He also gave us the information that we needed to figure out that it was a Basilisk - which you'd already figured out before you were petrified, Hermione." 

Harry felt Ginny shiver slightly, and turned to notice that she had turned pale and was staring silently at the table. He took her hand.

"Why didn't you tell me this back then, Harry?" asked Hermione quietly. 

"Ron- er, we didn't want you to know, um, because we were afraid that you'd feel bad or something, since we'd done it for you," Harry responded, lamely. 

Hermione, who'd been watching Ron closely, said softly, "But Ron, you're terrified of spiders."

Ron shrugged, staring at the table, fiddling with his spoon. 

"And you went into the forest to talk to man-eating Acromantulas, to help me?" she asked.

Ron finally looked up at Hermione, his heart in his eyes.

"Anything for you ‘Mione," he said softly. "It's always been you."

"Hermione..." Harry began, but stopped when Hermione rose from the table and walked slowly to where Ron was sitting. Ron looked up at her, his eyes questioning as she placed her hands on either side of his face and leaned down to kissed him deeply. It took Ron a moment to break out of his shock, but then he responded by standing up and wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close as he kissed her back. 

Everyone at the table sat in shock for a moment, watching the couple kiss. A breathy voice broke the silence.

"See? He's her Skrewt!" said Luna, beaming at the group.

  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
**Epilogue:**

It was well past midnight, and Ron and Hermione were one of the last couples on the dance floor. The only others still dancing to the slow song were Bill and Fleur, Arthur and Molly, and Fleur's parents. Neville, Luna, Hagrid, and the other Weasleys had left a half hour earlier, and they had no idea where Harry and Ginny were. 

The newly reunited pair was dancing in a slow circle, Hermione nuzzling Ron's neck as he stroked her back. 

"Hermione?" Ron said, pulling back to look at his new girlfriend. "Let's promise that when we go with Harry tomorrow, we'll try hard not to fight. I don't want to go through another week like this one," he said. 

"I agree," said Hermione. "Let's try to resolve our differences calmly and communicate better." 

"I know I'll have to work at that because I tend to fly off the handle a bit," said Ron, giving her a rueful smile.

"As do I," said Hermione smiling back at him and stroking the hair at the nape of his neck. "But we also need to respect Harry's feelings and be sure not to snog around him or make him uncomfortable. You know how you'd feel if you caught him with Ginny."

"Hey, I think I'd be okay with it," Ron insisted.

"No Ron, I don't think that you'd handle that very well. You have a tendency to let your temper get away from you," she reminded him.

"Hermione, I want Harry and Ginny to be happy together, so I think I'd react calmly and rationally if I caught them together," he said, affronted that she didn't have enough faith in him to not fly off the handle. But he decided that he didn't want to get into another argument so soon after their last one, so he took a calming breath and relaxed. 

_There, aren't I acting maturely now?_ he thought.

"Hey, speaking of Harry, where do you think he and Ginny ran off to?" he asked.

Hermione looked around the garden and then over Ron's shoulder at the house. She saw a faint light in Ginny's bedroom window and, pressed against the glass, the back of someone in a gold dress with red hair, a patch of messy dark hair visible over the shoulder and glint of light reflecting off a pair of glasses. She gasped as she saw a hand reach around the back to pull down the dress's zipper as one puffy sleeve dropped down the pale arm.

Ron heard Hermione's intake of breath and turned around to follow her gaze. His face turned red and Hermione braced herself for the inevitable. 

The remaining couples on the dance floor turned to stare as an angry voice broke the calm.

"POTTER, WHAT THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU DOING TO MY SISTER??!!!"

  
**~Fin~**


End file.
